it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
