Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
