girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
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