Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
