its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
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