So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Randomize
