Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
