it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Randomize
