Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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