Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
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