come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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