your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
