You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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