Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
