is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Randomize
