apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
