I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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