i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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