Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Randomize
