she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
