so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
