I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
I could make wine with my vomit
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
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