he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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