why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
