tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
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