Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Randomize
