thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
