Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
