Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
