My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
I'm really busy with my period
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