Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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