I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
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