the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
