I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
