I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
