i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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