saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
