I showed him my bush... on skype.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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