apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
