my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
