He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
