I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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