she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
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