I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I think im going to throw up on grandma
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
