We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
