I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
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