Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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