My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.