I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Randomize
