If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
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