Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize
