We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Boobs speak an international language.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Randomize
