I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
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