Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
whose ass print is on the piano?
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
