I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
