i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
