My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
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