You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
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