Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Randomize
