I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
