i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Randomize
