Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
