You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
