Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
