for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
