I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Randomize
