I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
