He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
