I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Randomize
