I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
