I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
