she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
