I can text with my tongue
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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