Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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