I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
You can't special order awesome
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Randomize