the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
