I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
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